Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I lost the right to judge tonight
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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