R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
