You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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