fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Two words: blizzard sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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