4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
