i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
