The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
soo... how was my night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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