So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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