I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.