I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not