From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml