So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I just shit out all my problems.