Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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