its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
