Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
