I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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