I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
