"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
