I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
