we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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