He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
His hands were made for my vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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