PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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