Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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