I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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