Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
