Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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