Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
