@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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