exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
did i walk over a car last night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
