i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize