We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
