She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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