im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
