these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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