Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
