Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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