I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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