I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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