Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
