everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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