Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
