So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Im part way to drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
