wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
