I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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