I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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