Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
