I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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