I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need a beard to bite.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
