I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Holy sore nipples Batman
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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