I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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