How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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