I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
