Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
