wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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