I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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