but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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