Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
