I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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