Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
