was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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