my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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